In the Long Run:

I've had my head filled lately with so many fleeting thoughts. Thoughts that are so very profound but yet as soon as I try to grab ahold of it and ponder it a little more...BAM!, it's gone and I can't quite get it back. I used to be such a thinker. I would sit outside after my baby went down and just think while staring at the stars... Or, as I watched him sleep in my arms I would sit there and dream of the future and what it may hold for us. But when I became estranged from my husband, I didn't like the kind of thoughts popping into my head so I didn't think anymore. And when I did, I quickly made myself busy with other things so I couldn't think. And now.... Well now, it's almost 2 years later and I'm over it and I am so ready to return to my old self. The one who made plans and went through with them. The girl who was content to just sit and dream without the painful realization that it might not come true. Because you see, my dreams are quite simple.

My first and most important dream which I also consider a goal because isn't that what a dream is? A goal I mean?
ANY-hoo, the first thing I dream about is raising my son to become an awesome man of God. I dream that right now I am filling his head with the Lord and His ways so that the foundation will have been laid for him to follow in his Maker's footsteps.

And I dream of becoming someone I am proud of again. The girl who was quick to laugh and quick to love. The one you could always count when you were in a bind... I'm just not her anymore. I'm not ME anymore!

And I wonder to myself, is this a good thing? Because it doesn't feel like it right now. Right now I feel jaded by what's been thrown at me. I was never the type to wait "for the next shoe to drop". But boy am I ever that girl now. And I never second guessed myself. And yes, you guessed it people. I do that all the time now.

I know it's all part of the process to feel the way I'm feeling but I just wish I could feel as though I am getting somewhere with all this. That I could take what has happened over the last 9 years and make it become something that has made me great.

But, instead I have become a worry wart. I am so overcome with fear sometimes I just want to run and hide and never come out. I'm so terrified that the divorce will be hard on Josh as he grows older. I'm so scared it will make him weak and worry that people will always leave. That nothing that is important to you will stick around for long. At 3 years old he already feels fear. He shares with me all the time in the way only a 3 year old can. As an example, he asks me all the time" Mommy will you keep me forever"? It breaks my heart because I know why he's asking me that. And he also says "No one is taking me from you Mommy"!! This is because I am trying so hard to make him understand that his Father loves him and wants to be alone with him and he needs to spend time with him also... He just doesn't want to and my heart breaks for both of them.

So, I guess this is my way of asking you guys to pray for us. And I guess I'm venting and I know this post is all over the place, but I warned you before I have no content because I'm just not with it lately...

Too many things to ponder and not one thing sticking around long enough to solve!

XoXo-Misi

Yet another Meme further proving that I STILL have major "Blogger's Block". The thing is life is so messy,complicated,unpredictable, and just downright uncertain that I'm afraid that if I put it into words all my worst fears will come true..... Agh, so anyways I stole this Meme from one of my favorite Blogger's in the whole wide Bloggity world Sheila from Charm School Reject...

But, before I start that please take a moment to check out MckMama's blog to get updates on her precious boy Stellan. He needs all the prayers you can give to him. I also have a link on my sidebar to her blog. Please,Please take some time to pray for this beautiful family going through so much,yet again!!

And now the Meme:

A - Age:28-UGH 30's here we come!!
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore You Hate: Uh all of them?
D – Dad’s Name: Michael Jay the 2nd
E - Essential Start Your Day Item: Toothbrush!!!
F - Favorite Actor: Sandra Bullock
G - Gold or Silver: Gold
H - Height: 5feet 7inches
I - Instrument (s) you play: Nada
J - Job Title: Jill of ALL trades,lol
K - Kid(s): 1 and a cousin who's mine too!
L - Like: Spending time w my baby!
M - Mom’s Name: Cindy Lou
N - Nickname: Misi
O - Overnight Hospital Stay Other Than Birth: None overnight
P - Pet Peeve:When people smack and chew w/ mouths open,it's like nails on a chalkboard!!
Q - Quote that you like: "Forgiveness is the fragrance the trampled flower casts back upon the foot that crushed it". Author Unknown
R - Righty or Lefty: Righty.
S - Siblings: 1 Bro
T - Time You Wake Up: Whenever my son does barring any days I have to work, in that case 6:30am
U - Useful tool: ???
V - Vegetable that you dislike: Brussels sprouts
W - Ways you run late: I'm ALWAYS early!
X - X-rays You’ve Had: Oh lord let's see:teeth,back,abdomen,cervical spine,hand, and I'm sure I'm leaving some out...
Y - Yummy Foods You Make: I love pretty much everything!I'm suprised I don't weigh much more than I do.
Z - Zodiac: Pisces and man does it fit me to a T!

XoXo-Misi

O.K. Nicole these are just for you babe!!!!!
And of course for the rest of you, My Faithful and Dear Readers!!!
Sorry there are so many, that's what happens when I slack huh? All the pics are an assortment of Maryah's and my Birthday. Hope you enjoy!!! We had a wonderful time....

XOXO-Misi

My Dad and Joshi at Maryah's party

Stuffing his face,lol

Lil Michael the 3rd!

Maryah and her friend Keith

Maryah and Angel

Mom and Dad playing w/ the kids at Maryah's Bday

Silly Boy:-)

The Family

The Hannah Montana Cake

Meme and Rye

Joshi had to get in the action!

Oops!

Mary's Bday at home w/ the family

My Bday present from my Mom a new do!

Aren't we a cute family??

Mom and I on my Bday

Mama and Joshi-Poo

Mom and Dad at the beach on my Bday

Playing in the sand!

Copy Cat this is what I am:-)

I have NO content people!
NADA,ZIP,ZERO,NOTHING!!!!!
My mind's all over the place. Joshi is being extra demanding. He's actually sitting on my lap as I type this because he won't let me out of his sight:-) We had a very busy weekend and I think he's just overtired from it.
But besides from that; the sun is shining and the birds are singing. It's 10:00am and we have already went on a LONG bike ride and had breakfast and a snack so I think it's naptime for the lil guy! I took some really great pics at the fair Friday night that I know you are DYING to see so I'll post those as soon as I get this spider monkey off of me;-0.

And now, I'm stealing this from Mother Teresa:

BEGINNINGS:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Be good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway....

This is pretty profound; I mean after-all what do you expect from Mother Teresa?

Hope everyone's having as wonderful a day as we are, I'm so blessed to have this child of mine! Wild or not he's a hoot! Picture us sitting at the computer, he's on my lap, swinging his head from side to side singing "All around the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel"..... LOL, ah life is GOOD!

XOXO-Misi

Part of MamaBlogga's Group Writing Project. Click here if you want to join in but HURRY! The deadline's soon!!!
Choosing Happiness.......
Oh happiness? What can you say about it? So many people have different opinions on the definition of happiness alone.
Right now my happiness is actually hand in hand with forgiveness. I have been through many trials and I am struggling with the Forgiveness part of those trials.
Until I let it go and decide to forget I will never be completely happy. Bitterness is a hard pill to swallow and right now it's stuck in my throat. Kinda like I wish I had a piece of bread to make it go down ya know?

I once read in a Max Lucado book that life isn't supposed to make you HAPPY, it's supposed to make you Holy. Now that my friends, is a good way to look at happiness. We really aren't entitled to a "Happy" life per say. More like a life filled with the substance you need to be more like Him.
And I don't know about you, but I personally would love to be more like Him and that's when I can be happy.

And so back to my happiness being hand in hand with forgiveness. It's been a long road ahead of me.
It's a daily reminder when my soon to be ex-husband calls our son at night to say goodnight. It's there when I'm driving down the road and I hear a song that brings me back a few years. It's watching me brush my teeth while contemplating how in the heck I ended up here.
It's everywhere I am and everywhere I don't want it to be. My prayers are frequented with the request of "Lord help me to forgive". Help me to want Josh to be happy. Help me stop sword fighting with him about who has it worse because of the divorce. Help me to stop dwelling on the fact that he's still with the girl he once said he was "just friends" with when we were still living together.

But I choose happiness! And in the process I will become more Holy! I welcome whatever trials this life has in store for me because I know in the end I will triumph. And it doesn't matter what other's say. I only care what He says. And right now I think He's pretty happy with me.
That my friends, is Choosing Happiness.
Choosing Happiness=Making Jesus Happy!

XOXO-Misi

A Meme from MySpace!!!

Any compl​icati​ons while​ in labor​?​Yes at the very end. I have a miracle baby! They couldn't find his heart rate so I had to an emergency c-section.I didn't even have time for an epidural, they just pumped me full of morphine and cut away:-( Oh well anything for Joshi!! But he's perfect, thank you Jesus!!

Did you have any morni​ng sickness?Oh Lord yes for 4 mths.I lost ten pds in the beginning and made up for it by gaining a total of 52 pounds!!

What sort of thing​s made you sick?​Everything!!!

Did you have any weird​ food cravi​ngs?​Nope, just salad, cereal and sweet tea.

Any mid-​night​ food runs?​No but midnight itching cream for this weird rash I developed in the last month of pregnancy!

Who made them?​nobody

Any thing​ you crave​d that wasn'​t so healt​hy?​Ranch dressing

How big was the baby?​7lbs 12oz

How long were you in labor​?​35 mins

Where​ did you give birth​?​South Seminole

Do you plan to have anoth​er baby?​nope​

How many kids do you have?​1

What kind of laund​ry soap do you use?Tide

What kind of dish soap do you use?Dawn

Who does the dishe​s in your home?​ We rotate


Who takes​ out the trash​ in your home?​My Daddy

Do your kids do chore​s?​Uh yeah, NO!

How many times​ to you vacuu​m a week?​1

Do you make your bed every​day?​Yep

Do your kids make their​ beds?​nope

What is the most annoy​ing thing​s your kids do?whine!!!!!!!!!!

Do your kids play sport​s?​not formally but yes in the backyard they have a basketball hoop and T-ball

How often​ do you get a manic​ure?​Never

How often do you have girls night out?Never

Are you a singl​e paren​t?​Yes

Did you have both paren​ts growi​ng up?Yes

How often​ to do go to the groce​ry store​?​All the time 3-4x a week for fresh fruit

What is your favor​ite thing​ your kids have done for you?Oh man so much. I esp.love it when Joshi tells me I look like a princess!!

How often​ do you sweep​?​ALOT

How often​ do you mop?2x a week

Do you have step kids?​Kinda, adopted cousin

Was your mom good to you?WAS AND STILL IS!!!! She is THE BEST EVER!!!!

Do you spank​ your child​ren?​Not often.I hate too

Did you get spank​ed as a child​?​sometimes but it didn't hurt

Did you have a good child​hood?​sometimes, but I had VERY young parents.Not their faults

Do you think​ your kids have had a good child​hood?​Oh yes.

Do you spoil​ your kids?​Unfortunately

Do you drink​?​No not often. Can't even remember the last time...

Do you bite your nails​?​No

Do you yell alot?​No

Are your kids well behav​ed?I think so:-)

What is your favor​ite thing​ to cook?​Anything

What is your kids favor​ite food?​Fruit,chicken,mashed potatoes

Do they eat veggi​es?​Yes alot and I don't.Funny huh? I pretend to eat mine:-)

Do you give them soda?​Sometimes

Do you drink​ soda?​No very little

What is your favor​ite movie​?​Along Came Polly and The Notebook.

When was the last time you went to the movie​s?​???

Do you think​ you are a good mom?Yes I pride myself on putting them first ALWAYS.No matter what!

To restore:

I've been thinking alot about restoration. The dictionary describes it as:

1.To bring back into existence or use; reestablish

2. To bring back to an original condition

3. To put (someone) back in a former position

4. To make restitution of; give back

There are SO many things in my life I would like to be restored. But then if those things hadn't happened would I be who I am now? At this moment? I think not. So it's kinda like a mixed blessing. Of course we as humans want restoration within ourselves and other's around us. But if we think in God's book I bet His way and definition would be alot different. He gives and takes away FOR A REASON. And we as His followers just have to Trust that His ways are much better than we could possibly create or even understand. Still as my flesh cries out I beg for restoration.

Mainly of my life when we were a family.

Do not mistake me, I don't want to restore my marriage. It's dead, the past and folks quite simply,;it aint coming back:-) But I do wish I had a family situation. However, in God's eye's He has already given it to me hasn't He? It just doesn't look like I expected.... But does it ever?

And so I wonder: What in my life WILL be restored. What will become a Blessing out of all the bad that has happened to my son and I. This angel He entrusted to me. What will our story of Restoration look like?

So how about you? Do you ever wonder about Restoration? What has happened to you that you wish could be Restored? And do you think that as a mere human YOU can Restore it? Or do you need to look for God's Wisdom and wait upon Him for your Restoration??

XOXO-Misi